Well it's now 4.43am and this would have to be my worst hour/s so far since being diagnosed with lymphoma. There may be too much info here for some people, so if you can't cope with getting into nitty-gritty "personal girly-cancer stuff", I suggest you skip this blog .....
Still coughing. I thought it was licked, Friday night and Saturday were good. Satruday night back to the same shit. I am onto my 3rd incontenance pad, my pelvic floor after 2 kids and 2 weeks of consistant coughing has done an "Elvis" and left the building. I have my periods?! (fark) and cramps in my bowels from the anti-constipation drugs kicking in. I've been to the bathroom numerous times and while there - wiped dead hair strands from my face and given the mohawk a couple of tugs. Its now more like a tuft. Glenn will shave the rest off this morning. I've taken more ventolin and a sudafed for my sinuses, and had a cup of tea and cry while sitting in the dark in our lounge room, trying to see if I can fall asleep upright - which helps with stopping the coughing. But no ,,,,,
I'm too tired now and wound-up about two things that I can't get out of my head. First thing is the wig - everyone deals will loosing their hair differently. My mum had chemo for breast cancer a year or so ago and she said for her it was the hair falling out in the shower that tipped her over the edge. For me, its going to be the wig wearing. Up until now its been fun, wig parades and jokes - but later today I have realised I'm giong to have to wear it for real. I'm worried the damn thing is not going to sit right ALL DAY, is it going to blow off? Imagine having to catch it and try and put it back on or worse having to run after it as it blows away!! Will it be itchy to the point of being unbearable? What happens if the hair ends up sticking up and looking stupid? Who's gonna tell me? I can't be running off to the mirror every five seconds to "check it"? I don't want to be ever have a bad wig moment - let alone day. This is my !!OVER THE EDGE!!
Lastly, and even more worring is this damn cough. Not a side-effect or complication I would have predicted, and I could cope better if my pelvic floor was in better shape. So far the medication for the cough at this point is sitting at 50% worked. I walked out of Dr Harris's office on Friday with 80-90% fixed in my head and I would be happy. If today was Tuesday however, I would be making the call to get her to refer me to a respiratory specialist. Even worse, its only early Sunday morning, I've got another 24hrs in front of me as the earliest I would ring is Monday morning. I don't think this issue is an emergency call to her, she couldn't do anything anyway. Whatever is causing the cough is not going to be an easy diagnosis, I'm already taking asthma medication, and anti-fungal and anti-bacterial medication for prevention of infections. The chest x-ray is clear and I'm not coughing up any "sputum" to be culture tested. I'm totally worried about having to deal with the cough for the remainder of this treatment, heaven forbid longer, and even worse for me is the pelvic floor issue. I'll start some exercises again. I hate doing pelvic floor exercises, but can't say I don't have the time.
Thankfully, when I'm sitting upright, the cough settles down and my pelvic floor copes - daytime is always pretty good. And things never seem as bad in the light of a gorgeous winters' day, when you're hanging out with your family and friends.
Anyway, I suppose it could be alot worse - I could be throwing up as well! I feel better for the sharing. I'm going to have another cuppa and see if I can get a little more kip - my cough has settled while doing this blog entry and I'm not feeling so sorry for myself. I think 'Wilma' will come out to play today, and I'll give GT the clue up about the "hair checking" thing, buy some more 'nanna nappies' and it'll all be just fine!
Too late for sleep, Brookie has just walked out 'cause she wants her mummy's cuddle ,,,,, now I really do feel better! GT has just followed, we'll all have a cuddle and a chat,,,,,,and thanks to you for 'listening'. It's 5.41am and I don't feel lonely any more.
2 comments:
Was going to publicly share a female indignity with you to try and cheer you up but lost my bottle! Suspect there are a few refined people on this blog. Will share later by phone! Hope that bloody cough disappears. x
You should have rang me, the hotline to insomniacs anon!
Just kidding, everything is worse at 4am when you can't sleep, although that cough must be working your last nerve ...
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